lexiesloan (lexiesloan) wrote,
lexiesloan
lexiesloan

I Can’t Stop It Once It Starts (Quinn)/Glee

Title: I Can’t Stop It Once It Starts (1/1)
Author: lexiesloan
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Quinn Fabray
Spoilers: Up to 1x13 "Sectionals"
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

 

 

“This is extremely inappropriate, Schue,” she can hear Principal Figgins say from inside his office as she sits in a chair next to the secretary’s desk outside, pretending not to be able to overhear. “She is a student, your student-”

 

“And she has no where else to go,” Will interrupts and she can tell that he is frustrated because looking through the glass windows, she can see him running his hands through his hair – a surefire sign. “Her parents kicked her out, her boyfriend, who she was staying with, and her broke up and she… she’s alone and my new apartment has an extra bedroom. She is five months pregnant and she needs someone to look after her.”

 

There is silence after that and she realizes that she is holding her breath, waiting, but she doesn’t exhale. If she can’t live with Mr. Schuester, she has no idea where she can go. Maybe Brittany’s house? Maybe? She almost cringes at the thought. Brittany is her friend but she can only deal with her and her lack of intelligence in small doses. Definitely not Puck. She is still doing her best to keep her distance from him because she meant what she told him. She needs to do this on her own. Besides, she met his mom once and the woman instantly disliked her because of her complete lack of Jewishness and the Christian cross that hung around her neck. 

 

When the door to the office opens, she stands up immediately, her hands smoothing down the front of the green dress she is wearing and it is a habit now for her hands to linger on her bump, growing with each day. Mr. Schuester comes out of the office, followed by Principal Figgins and for a moment, she has no idea what decision has been made.

 

But then Mr. Schuester smiles at her and she finally lets loose the air that has been burning her lungs in one loud sigh and she feels herself smiling in return – her first smile in days.

 

 

The second bedroom in Mr. Schuester’s new apartment is small with nothing but a twin bed, a dresser and a desk. The window above the desk doesn’t have curtains or even blinds and she walks to it, looking out to see what the view is. A parking lot and another apartment building next to theirs.

 

“I know it’s not much,” Mr. Schuester says from the doorway. “At all. But I think we can fix it up and it could be alright.”

 

She turns away from the window and looking at him, she smiles. “It’s perfect.”

 

 

Sometimes, Quinn really hates living in such a small town, going to such a small high school because when she goes to school the next day, everyone knows that she is now living with Mr. Schuester and of course there are less than savory rumors being spread.

 

Something about how she hopped from Puck’s bed to pretend to be in Finn’s and then into a teacher’s and her stomach rolls as a wave of nausea knocks into her. She has lost count of how many times she has overheard people whispering and calling her a slut.

 

She decides that she hates people.

 

But after Glee practice that day, when Mr. Schuester gathers his sheet music and asks her if she’s ready to go home, she feels a tightness in her chest just from hearing the word home and she nods her head eagerly.

 

 

The baby kicks her straight in the ribs when she and Mr. Schuester are sitting on the couch, eating pizza and watching the evening news. They eat a lot of takeout since Terri used to do most of the cooking when they were still married and all Quinn knows how to do is bake cupcakes and cookies. And though she does love pizza and Chinese food, she begins missing vegetables of all things. She thinks maybe she should take a home ec. class at school.

 

On her fourth slice of pepperoni, the baby kicks and she gasps and Mr. Schuester immediately thinks that she is about to give birth right there in their living room. But when she starts laughing, he realizes that he can stop from having a heart attack.

 

“She’s never kicked before,” she explains, feeling breathless and amazed and when the baby kicks again, she laughs once more and before Mr. Schuester can ask, she takes his hand and puts it on her belly.

 

He laughs too when he feels it for himself but then he gets this far-off look in his eyes and he doesn’t say anything the rest of the night.

 

 

Finn is ignoring her, which she completely understands and doesn’t try to talk with him.

 

Puck has gotten a job – doing what she doesn’t know and a part of her doesn’t want to know in case that makes her an accessory to some sort of criminal activity – but every time he gets paid, he gives her all of the money. For the baby, he always explains as if she needs any more reminders that it’s his baby she’s carrying no matter how much she wants to deny it. And though they aren’t in a relationship and she doesn’t want to be, he still wants to be there for their daughter and provide for her the best a high-school student can.

 

She takes the money, always thanking him softly and putting it away in a shoebox underneath her bed. She is going to keep the baby but she knows that with a crying newborn, she will quickly be overstaying her welcome with Mr. Schuester so she needs to start saving for a place of her own.

 

 

Mr. Schuester has to stay later after glee practice one night for a meeting with Ms. Sylvester and Principal Figgins and Quinn tells him that she’ll wait for him. She waits in the choir room, having finished her homework in study hall earlier that day, and Rachel sits at the piano, explaining that she needs more practice than everyone else because even though she’s naturally talented and more vocally trained, she needs to stay at the top of her game.

 

The two girls don’t speak to one another and though Quinn doesn’t hate Rachel as much as she used to, she really doesn’t know what to say. But when Rachel begins playing and singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow”, the baby begins kicking her and Quinn smiles, resting her hands over her stomach.

 

“She likes that,” Quinn says and Rachel stops to smile.

 

“May I?” She asks.

 

Quinn laughs slightly. “At least you ask. I’ve lost count of how many people just walk up and put their hands on me.”

 

Rachel leans over and puts one hand on the bump while still tinkering away on the piano with the other. The baby kicks and Rachel gasps. “That feels amazing. Does it hurt?”

 

“Depends on how she’s turned,” Quinn shrugs. “When she’s kicking my ribs, it’s horrible.”

 

Rachel begins playing with both hands, starting the song over since it got such a reaction from her, and Quinn rubs her hands in soothing circles as Rachel then begins to sing.

 

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There’s a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby.

 

 

The next day, Rachel presents her with a burned cd of some of her favorite songs – “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” included.

 

“It’s never too early to start educating her on music,” is all Rachel says and Quinn stares down at the cd in the pink plastic case in her hands for a moment.

 

And she’ll blame the hormones if anyone asks but Quinn surprises them both by leaning over and hugging her.

 

 

Puck comes with her when Mr. Schuester takes her for her doctor’s appointment and both of them stand on either side of the examination table as Dr. Wu spreads the cold gel on her bump. Mr. Schuester has health insurance and though she was extremely uncomfortable with the offer, he wouldn’t let her refuse and insisted on taking Quinn to the obstetrician.

 

“And there she is,” the doctor says as he places the transducer on her and all three of them lean in closer to look at the grainy black and white image on the screen. “Have you thought of names yet?” He then asks.

 

“Anne,” she answers without hesitating but then pauses before tilting her head to look up at Puck. “We can talk about it-”

 

He shakes his head, shrugging. “Anne’s cool,” he answers, still trying to stay cool himself but Quinn can swear she sees his eyes becoming moist as he keeps staring at the screen.

 

“You can pick out the middle name, if you want,” she suggests and he finally looks at her, the start of a grin pulling at his mouth before he contains himself with another shrug.

 

“Cool,” is all he says.

 

 

The next day, she sees him sitting in the choir room, a book of baby names open in his hands, and he is reading intently, crossing off or making a check next to each one. She smiles to herself but pretends that she hasn’t seen a thing.

 

 

“This room is a travesty,” Kurt says, standing in the doorway of her bedroom and Quinn frowns. “I’ve seen prison cells on television that are better decorated than this.”

 

“It’s not that bad,” Quinn tries to defend but Kurt cuts her off with a shake of his head and she wonders why she invited Rachel, Mercedes and Kurt over after glee practice.

 

“Honey, we’re going shopping,” Kurt then declares, grabbing her hand and tugging her out of the apartment, Rachel and Mercedes on their heels.

 

When they return nearly four hours later, struggling with all of the shopping bags, Mr. Schuester is instantly there.

 

“Quinn, are you alright?” He begins asking, sounding out of breath. “I was worried and I didn’t know where you were and-” he stops himself when he sees the other three standing there and then the bags.

 

Quinn, though – and she blames the hormones again for making her feel so out of whack – begins crying though and dropping the bags, she hugs him. He sounds like such a father.

 

And the next day, he gives her a cell phone – since hers has stopped working since her parents no longer pay for it – with an instruction to call him if she is ever going to go out and he isn’t home. This time, he doesn’t look so surprised when she starts crying and hugging him again.

 

 

She hates being short and not only is she short, but she’s fat now, and the book she needs in the library is of course on the top shelf. She stands there with her hands on her hips, staring up at it with hard eyes and deep concentrating as if she is trying to use her mind to knock it down to the floor but then suddenly, a hand reaches out and easily takes it down. Her mouth falls open when she sees Finn standing there, holding it out for her to take.

 

“Here,” he says and he looks awkward and confused as if he has no idea why he’s standing there and for once, there’s no one there to tell him and Quinn can’t because she certainly doesn’t understand it herself.

 

“Thanks,” she says softly in reply, trying to look at him but it’s too hard and everything she had done to him, it still hurts too much and she hugs the book to her chest, holding onto it as if it’s a life raft.

 

“Are you and Puck together?” He suddenly bursts out and she almost takes a step back at how unexpected that question is.

 

She instantly shakes her head. “No.” She still means what she said. She wants to be on her own right now. She needs to be on her own. “Are you and Rachel?” She then hears herself asking for some reason.

 

He is the one to shake his head now. “I asked her out but she said it didn’t feel right.”

 

She chews on her lower lip, having no idea what to say and she feels guilty for feeling relieved from hearing that Finn and Rachel aren’t dating although not a single part of her would be surprised if they are.

 

And then Finn makes things even more confusing by saying, “You look really pretty today,” before he turns and leaves the aisle, leaving her standing there, still clutching the book and trying to remind herself that yes, breathing right now is necessary.

 

 

Her feet hurt and she spends most of glee practice sitting, which she hates because they still have Regionals to get ready for and Quinn has always conditioned herself to never be lazy and always work her hardest – she has realized that she and Rachel have more in common than they ever realized – but no one says a thing about it and at least one song every practice, all of the members sit down and sing.

 

“You might have to find someone else,” she says as Mr. Schuester drives them home but not before making a quick swing through the McDonald’s drive-thru since she is craving chicken nuggets with the sweet and sour sauce. “For glee. I can’t do anything anymore. I’ve become completely useless.”

 

“Hey,” he says, turning in his seat as they wait for the food and he gives her a hard look, a hand on her shoulder. “You are not useless. Don’t let me ever hear you say that again.”

 

The car is quiet after that and when they get their food, he hands her the bag and a McFlurry, knowing how much she loves them.

 

“Thanks, Mr. Schuester,” she says softly and she means to thank him for so much – for everything really.

 

“Quinn,” he glances at her. “You can call me Will if you want.”

 

 

She goes to the courthouse with him but she doesn’t go in into the courtroom, instead, sitting down on one of the benches lining the walls outside. It only takes a half hour and Terri comes out first, her face flushed and her eyes red with tears. She glances at Quinn for only a moment before hurrying down the hallway, her sister Kendra in tow. And then, Will comes out, looking exhausted but relieved.

 

He is no longer wearing his wedding ring.

 

She has difficulty standing up now once she’s sitting and he helps her with a small smile.

 

“I need copious amounts of alcohol,” he confesses as they walk towards the large staircase at the end of the hall and she laughs, nodding her head.

 

“You and me both,” she smiles.

 

 

She is standing at her locker when Puck appears.

 

“Rebecca,” he says and Quinn gives him a smile and a nod. “Good Jewish name,” he adds because even though his mom would approve, the truth is, he has no idea how much Quinn is going to let him be a part of any of this and the least he can do is give his daughter something from him.

 

“It’s beautiful,” she assures him. “Anne Rebecca Puckerman Fabray,” she then states and catches the look of complete surprise that flashes in his eyes at the sound of his last name.

 

“That’s a hell of a mouthful,” he then smirks.

 

 

She isn’t sure how it happens but Rachel and her start spending more time together – mostly going back to hers and Will’s apartment to watch movies and eat ice cream. She listens as Rachel goes on and on about New York and Broadway and Quinn is jealous of her because Rachel can see her life so clearly in front of her and Quinn has no idea what will happen tomorrow.

 

“Are you scared?” Rachel then asks her one afternoon as they watch Moulin Rouge.

 

“Terrified,” Quinn answers truthfully.

 

“Rachel, are you staying for dinner?” Will asks, poking his head in from the kitchen where he is grading papers.

 

“If you don’t mind, Mr. Schuester,” Rachel gives him her sweetest smile. “My dads are out of town-” Quinn realizes this happens a lot. “-but if it’s an any inconvenience…”

 

“No problem,” he says and then beams with a proud smile. “Quinn made dinner.”

 

She shakes her head, smiling as Rachel looks at her with surprise. “No, I didn’t. We just bought a crock-pot and I looked up some recipes online.”

 

“It smells delicious,” Rachel nods truthfully, noting the aroma hanging in the air.

 

And as the three of them sit down at the small table in their kitchen and start eating the tender beef stew that Quinn has made, both Rachel and Will tell her repeatedly just how fantastic it is.

 

“You are such a good cook,” Rachel practically moans with pleasure as she eats.

 

And Quinn can’t help but smile proudly to herself and reminds herself to look up more recipes later that night.

 

 

Everyone is already in the choir room when she arrives to practice and they quickly, yet carefully, usher her into a seat in the front of the room. Will grins at her and then begins conducting as the eleven remaining members burst out into a medley of songs from Annie. She has no idea when they had time to practice all of it but she is smiling and crying and by the time Rachel belts out the last notes of “Tomorrow”, Quinn is sure she looks like a mess but she doesn’t care.

 

It takes her a minute and Finn is the one to help her stand up this time and she throws her arms around Rachel in a tight hug before giving each and every single one of them a hug, even Finn, and he hugs her in return.

 

“Do you think Anne liked it?” He asks, truly worried.

 

Quinn smiles, her hands on her stomach and everyone reaches out to touch it, all vying for a place on her stomach. “I think she loved it.”

 

 

She sees her parents in the grocery store one night when she and Will are shopping and though she and her mother lock eyes, her father keeps moving as if she doesn’t even exist and Will puts a hand on her back, asking her if she wants to go talk to them. She immediately shakes her head before lifting her chin, trying to remain strong, and tells him that they need to be sure to pick up some chicken breasts.

 

 

That night, she cries herself to sleep and it has nothing to do with the hormones.

 

 

Emma Pillsbury comes over for dinner one night and though she offers to go over to Rachel’s – and she can’t believe how much things have changed in just a few months where she willingly volunteers to spend time with Rachel Berry – both Will and Emma insist that they all eat dinner together.

 

And though Quinn has things to discuss with Will, she realizes that Emma will wind up hearing about it anyway so she takes a deep breath and as they begin eating their homemade chicken pot pie – Will and Emma both praising her for her cooking skills.

 

“The baby’s due in a few weeks,” she says, looking at him, and he stops his fork midway to his mouth to look at her as well. “I’ll understand if you don’t want a screaming baby here.”

 

She leaves it open for interpretation and she knows that he understands what she means.

 

He slowly puts his fork down and then reaches over, covering her hand with his. “You and the screaming baby aren’t going anywhere.”

 

It isn’t hormones either when she begins to cry and leaning over awkwardly in her chair, she hugs him, whispering a thank you in his ear.

 

 

The next day, Ms. Pillsbury calls her into her office and hands her several pamphlets and brochures on culinary classes and schools that might interest her.

 

“I think you’ve found your talent,” the red-headed guidance counselor tells her.

 

Quinn walks around with a bright smile on her face for the rest of the day with all of the information tucked securely inside of her binder.

 

 

“Why the fuck did everyone have to be here for this?” Puck frowns as they walk through the sliding automatic door of Babies R’ Us, all of the glee members following them.

 

“I think it’s nice,” Quinn smiles as Kurt snatches her hand and Rachel slips her arm through hers on her other side.

 

“And don’t curse, Noah,” Rachel chides him. “The baby can hear you even while still inside of Quinn’s womb and I refuse to let this baby’s first word be something profane.”

 

Puck rolls his eyes. “And I’m not letting her first word be Barbra Streisand or some shit like that,” he says and then grunts when Rachel unexpectedly slugs him in the stomach.

 

Quinn watches with curiosity and amusement as Rachel and Puck verbally spar as they usually do but it seems different now and looking over at Kurt, he gives her a look that lets her know that she’s not crazy and he’s thinking the same thing.

 

 

Her bedroom feels even smaller with the white crib that they have all helped to buy now in her bedroom but Quinn doesn’t care because she’s getting excited. She is absolutely terrified but she runs her hand along the painted wood while rubbing a hand on her stomach and she hums softly to herself.

 

She’s sixteen-years-old, she’s having a baby, her parents have disowned her, the father is definitely in the picture but they’re not together and Quinn knows they never will be, she lives with her glee director and her closest friends have become the people she used to ridicule on a daily basis.

 

“Everything’s perfect,” Quinn whispers down to the baby and she feels a kick in response.

 

 

Her water breaks in the middle of their practice of “Somebody to Love” and everything falls into immediate chaos. She finds Puck and Finn holding both of her hands as they wait for the ambulance as everyone rushes around, gathering their things and hers. The contractions rip through her and they hurt more than anything she ever prepared herself for.

 

When the stretcher comes and they wheel it outside, she whimpers for Mr. Schuester and Will instantly hops into the back of the ambulance with her, holding her hand, telling her how fantastic she’s doing and when they get to the hospital, the sirens whirling, she manages to tell him that she wants both him and Puck in there with her.

 

She doesn’t remember it. She remembers the screaming and the crying and the unfathomable pain. She remembers Will and Puck, both holding her hands and telling her to breathe, she remembers the nurses telling her that there are so many people out there in the waiting room for her and she remembers Dr. Wu yelling at her over her screaming for her to push.

 

And then…

 

Silence.

 

And then…

 

Crying. A small cry and everything goes absolutely still.

Quinn lifts her head, looking as Dr. Wu is smiling and holding a small, bloody mess of a baby – her baby – and she vaguely hears Puck saying a “holy fuck” in a daze and Will is smiling and crying and he kisses her head as the nurses whisk the baby to the other side of the room to clean her off.

 

And when Anne Rebecca Puckerman Fabray is placed in her arms for the first time, and mother and daughter stare at one another for the first time, Quinn laughs and smiles and bursts into tears – tears that have absolutely nothing to do with hormones.

 


Tags: show: glee
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