Like I told Ally when I wrote this for her, I have no idea where this whole thing came from but I sat down, started writing and this is the result. Forgive me for how stupid this more than likely is. I can just lie and say I was drunk.
It is a fear Lexie wonders if she will ever shake when it comes to being with him.
This is Mark Sloan and though they have been dating exclusively for nearly five months – a record for both of them, actually – she still can’t help but be terrified of it all coming down suddenly to a crashing end around her and her fear feeds off of the idea that it will probably be her fault.
He is Mark Sloan and to put it in simplest terms, he knows a thing or two about sex. And she is Lexie Grey and though she is no virgin, the truth is, she apparently isn’t that great in bed considering Alex forgot all about her and George couldn’t even look at her in any way past friendship.
She knows that Mark doesn’t complain – at least not to her – and if something is so horribly wrong with her, she would have caught him in an on-call room with a nurse or Callie by now. After sex, he always seems as breathless and exhausted as she is so she thinks that she does satisfy him but with a guy like Mark, it has to be about more than simple satisfaction. She has to rock his world.
So she reads “Cosmo” and “Sex for Dummies” – as embarrassing as that is to admit – and she tries to think of new things they can try together. She stays away from off the wall, acrobatic sexual positions, not wanting to break his penis for a second time, and instead, wonders if he would be interested in becoming her own personal ice cream sundae or having sex in the back of a movie theater or somewhere equally public to keep things exciting.
In the end, she decides to start off small and dog-ears the particular page in the magazine that she gets the idea from. It seems simple enough and yet, it has the power to drive a man wild.
Mark is stretched out on the couch in the hotel room, watching a Yankees baseball game on the television, remnants of their dinner spread out on the coffee table in front of him. He has been at the hospital for fifteen hours and she knows that she should let him just enjoy the game and let him relax but she has felt the courage bubbling in her since this idea entered her mind earlier that afternoon and she knows that she wants to do it as quickly as possible.
“I need to get ice,” she suddenly announces, going to retrieve the empty bucket on the shelf next to the bar. “Where’s the ice machine?”
Mark stares at her for a moment and she almost checks her shoulder to make sure that she hasn’t sprouted a second head. “You need ice,” he repeats as if he can’t quite grasp the concept.
She nods. “Desperately.”
He frowns. “Are you alright?”
She nods again, swallowing the lump forming in her throat and forcing a smile on her face. She prays he can’t tell how nervous she is suddenly becoming. What if he hates this? What if this doesn’t work and he thinks she’s crazy? Judging by the way he is looking at her, he thinks she’s half-way there already.
Lexie clears her throat, hugging the bucket to her chest. “Ice machine?”
“Down the hall, next to the stairwell,” he answers, his eyes never leaving hers. He sits up slowly. “Lex, what’s going on?”
“Nothing. I just want ice. I’m so… hot and I just… I’ll be right back,” she says and then rushes from the room, making sure she has a key card in her back pocket, before he can ask any more questions.
‘You can do this’, she repeats to herself like a mantra as she walks down the hallway, her heart lodged in her throat, fluttering there. She hopes this works. She hopes he likes it. Loves it. Begs her to do it again and again. Assures her that she is the best he has ever had – though she highly doubts that.
Lexie sees the way women look at Mark and she doesn’t blame them. He is too good-looking. No man should be allowed to look as good as Mark Sloan does. He is chiseled perfection and she really can’t understand sometimes why he’s with her. And when the women see her with him, she knows that they are thinking the same thing.
She hears the steady, low hum of the ice machine before she sees it and rounding the corner, she hurries to it, grateful that no one else is around. She is convinced that they could take one look at her face and know all of her intentions with the ice she is now collecting. She lines the bucket underneath the dispenser and pressing the large red button, she watches as she hears the ice churning for a moment before it begins shooting out, piling into bucket. She only needs a few cubes but she presses the button until the bucket is nearly overflowing.
The walk back to the room seems to be much shorter despite Lexie trying to drag her feet into the carpet. She stops outside the door to his room – though lately, she notices it that he keeps referring to it as their room – and she takes a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. She can do this. She is Lexie Grey and this is Mark, her boyfriend.
The man she loves.
The man she doesn’t want to lose.
Opening the door and peeking her head in, she sees that Mark is still lying on the couch, but his eyes are closed and his breathing is steady and deep.
“Mark?” She says quietly, stepping into the room, closing and locking the door behind her again.
It takes a moment but he slowly blinks his eyes open, looking at her. “Come here.”
She doesn’t hesitate in crossing the room. Sliding the bucket of ice onto the coffee table, she carefully crawls onto the couch to join him, his arms open for her, and she lays down on top of him. Her head rests on his shoulder, her forehead pressed against his jaw and she feels his arms wrap securely around her.
“What’s going on with you tonight?” He asks, his voice, soft, tired.
She sighs, closing her eyes, feeling his fingers draw circles on the small of her back. “I was going to give you a blowjob with ice cubes in my mouth,” she answers bluntly. Her mom always told her that honesty is the best policy no matter what.
Instantly, Mark’s hands still. “Why?” He manages to ask and she can hear the growing amusement in his tone.
She clenches her eyes shut tighter. “I read that the simultaneous hot temperature of your penis and the cold of the ice can have an incredible reaction for guys.”
“No… I get that. I meant why would you do that?” He clarifies.
She sighs again and she feels the flush of mortification spreading across her skin like a wildfire. “You’re Mark Sloan.”
“And you’re Lexie Grey,” he said, not following.
Lexie opens her eyes and lifts her head to look at him. “I don’t want you to get bored with me.”
He lifts a hand to her cheek. His eyes are dark, intense, and there is a smile starting to form at the corners of his mouth. “Refresh my memory just in case I should know this already. Why would I get bored with you?”
“Because I suck at sex.”
That does it. He starts laughing and she feels her mortification flush deepen. She puts her hands on his shoulders and tries to push herself off of him but he tightens his arms around her, making it impossible for her to get away.
“Since when?” He asks, trying to keep himself from laughing or smiling further.
“Alex forgot about me,” she quietly answers.
“Karev’s an idiot.”
“Don’t even get me started on O’Malley.” Mark pauses, frowns. “You never slept with O’Malley.”
“No, but… he never wanted to sleep with me.”
“See? I told you not to get me started on him or I can insult the guy all night,” he says. He glances at the ice bucket before at her. “Do you want to do that to me with the ice?”
She shrugs. “I would like to try, yes.”
“But because you want to or because you think I’m bored?”
She doesn’t answer him, not too sure of what the correct answer is, and Mark cups her head between his hands and pulls her down until her lips mash against his and he kisses her hungrily, his teeth nibbling on her bottom lip, making her moan.
“You feel that?” He asks, shifting his hips slightly underneath her and she nods. “That’s from you. Just being here with me. I wouldn’t get hard if I was bored with you.” He seems to sense that she needs to hear something further because he kisses her again. “What about me? What if you get bored with me?”
The idea is such a ludicrous one, Lexie almost laughs. “Who would ever get bored with you?”
“I’ve never been with a girl long enough to find out.”
She stares at him and sees a vulnerability in his eyes that she knows matches her own. She leans down and brushes her lips against his. “I don’t see myself ever getting bored with you.”
She shakes her head and smiles faintly because somehow, the tables have suddenly turned and he’s the one who now needs her reassurance. “Never ever,” she says.
A smile slowly crosses over his features and she knows that he believes her.
“I don’t see myself getting bored with you ever either. And it’s not just about the sex. Though…” he says, sweeping his hands back until his fingers tangle in her hair. “That thing you do with your hips-” His words are abruptly cut off as Lexie presses herself against him, their jeans creating a friction between them as she rotates them in a tight circle and Mark closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing heavily. “Yeah,” he says, sounding breathless. “That thing.”
She smiles, suddenly feeling far more confident than she has all evening. “And that thing you do with your fingers…” she kisses him again and she feels his hands working between their bodies, the snap of the button of her jeans coming undone resonating in her ears. “Let’s go to bed,” she murmurs and he nods in agreement. “Should I bring the ice?”
A smile curves against his lips as they keep their lips connected. “Just yourself, Lex,” he says. “I just need you.”