A continuation of episode 5x13, Stairway to Heaven, a story that would not leave my head. I absolutely adore Lexie and am far more comfortable writing her but I wanted to give Mark and more of his POV a try. Let me know what you think of this.
“I should go,” she whispered softly to him as she felt her pager beginning to vibrate and she slowly pulled her forehead back from where it was resting on his temple, looking at him.
For the nearly fifteen minutes they had laid there in silence on his hospital bed with her stroking his hair, she had felt him relax and almost drift off to sleep. But now, his eyes were open again and his entire body was stiff with tension. The mixture of annoyance, embarrassment and anger had also slipped back into his eyes and Lexie chewed down on her bottom lip as she eased herself from the bed back to the floor.
She nervously began rubbing the hem of her light blue scrub top between her thumb and index finger, watching him. He wouldn’t meet her eyes and instead, stared straight ahead, his jaw clenched so tightly, she could almost see the muscles in his face begin to twitch.
Lexie felt as if she was seconds away from crying. He was so angry with her and why shouldn’t he be? She had broken his penis. She was lucky he hadn’t knocked her off of the bed the instant she had climbed on to stroke his hair. He must have hated her. He was the big and bad infamous sex-god Mark Sloan and look at what she had reduced him to.
She felt tears begin to sting her eyes and she tried to blink them away. She knew, she just knew in the back of her mind when she started sleeping with Mark Sloan that she would never be able to keep him for long. All she had to do was look at herself and then at him and the women who had come before her. She was just one in a long line for him. The forbidden fruit that he couldn’t resist. The lamb to his lion.
“Mark…” she said and he glanced at her for a moment before looking away again. She rarely used his first name while they were at the hospital. It would look too suspicious and she wouldn’t know how to explain herself if someone overheard. “Can I come by later-”
The fierce shaking of his head cut her off before she could utter another word and she felt her insides crumble and all fall to her feet. Her chest suddenly felt so horribly painful, it almost felt as if she couldn’t breathe either now.
“Okay,” she nodded in a whisper, her voice tight and strained and she knew she had to get out of there before she started crying in front of him. “I’m… I’m so sorry, Mark. For everything.”
He turned his head away, looking at the opposite wall, and Lexie dropped her head, her vision becoming too blurry for her to see clearly. She turned and rushed from the room, not even taking note that Sadie was still standing there, keeping a lookout. She didn’t even stop in her desperate jogging as Sadie called out after her.
Tears pricked her eyes and rolled down her cheeks as she entered the first stairwell that she came across. Racing up the flights to nearly the top floor of the hospital, she finally allowed herself to collapse on one of the steps and resting her forehead on her knees, she no longer tried to contain the sobs that tore through her body.
How was it possible for her to feel this hollow inside from something ending that hadn’t even truly started in the first place? What had they had together? Secret smiles and looks, brief interludes in on-call rooms, passionate nights in his hotel room or her attic that left both of them practically paralyzed and gasping for air, tender touching and pinkie-holding in elevators before the doors slid open…
It hadn’t been much but it had been theirs and she had loved every minute of it. And now, it was all over. Before Lexie could even figure out what it was between them, he had brought it to an abrupt halt and she couldn’t even blame him. She had broken his penis. What guy in his right mind would keep the girl responsible around after that happening?
An unforeseen shift of her hips, a sickening snap! and the best thing to happen to Lexie Grey in a long time was all over. Just like that. As if it hadn’t even happened in the first place.
In his room, staring up at the ceiling, Mark tried to get himself to take deep and steady breaths but it seemed impossible at the moment. It was as if someone was standing next to the bed, pressing down on his chest and he didn’t know what to do about it.
He had done the right thing. He couldn’t possibly be double-guessing himself. This thing with Little Grey… Lexie… it never should have started in the first place. He had promised Derek to stay away from her and he was going to go back to doing just that. It was for the best. For both of them. She could go back to wasting her time and lusting after O'Malley and he could go back to keeping his penis intact and sleeping with scrub nurses. That was the way things were supposed to be anyway.
When Mark Sloan hooked up with Lexie Grey, and kept hooking up with her every night for two weeks, the universe had shifted. That was never supposed to happen. She was too sweet, almost angelic, and he… well, he wasn’t. They were never supposed to be together or have anything resembling something more than being acquaintances between them.
It, whatever the hell it was, wouldn’t have lasted long anyway. He may have been trying to turn over a new leaf but Lexie was completely beyond him. He didn’t know how to deal with a girl – and she very much was a girl – like her. She wasn’t like all of the other women he had had before her. Lexie was sweet and had an innocence to her and he couldn’t remember the last time he saw that in any of the women he had fucked in his hotel room or in the on-calls rooms.
With Lexie, it hadn’t been just about fucking her though. Each time, they were together, there was a feeling in the direct center of his chest that he had never had before – not even with Addison – but he had never been one to think too long and hard about what he was feeling so he pushed it down to the depths of himself where he could shrug it off and pretend that it hadn’t even existed in the first place.
Sometimes, the sex was hard and fast, almost bordering on desperate as if both of them felt as if it was the only thing they could do without falling apart. But other times, most of the time, he went slow, his fingertips tracing her skin, learning every inch there was to know about her, discovering ticklish spots and beauty marks and smirking, endlessly amused, as she told him stories from her childhood of how she got the faint scars on her knees and elbows.
I am the worst bike rider you have ever seen, she told him one night, lying on her back in the middle of the bed as his fingers circled one of her kneecaps, and he had laughed – not the usual self-indulged chuckle that he gave most but an actual laughter from deep in his chest and she had smiled brightly at him and when their eyes locked, that was when he knew that this, she, was different.
And that was why ending it was the best move because honestly, where could it really go? Mark had gone back on his word, Derek would feel betrayed - yet again - and this thing with Lexie would end anyway because the guilt would be too great for him to continue it.
He just wished that it had happened before his penis had been broken.
Before the snap though, before he screamed with the most excruciating pain ever known to a man, his arms had been wrapped around Lexie and one of hers was wrapped around his shoulders for balance while the other gripped the short hairs on the back of his head. Their chests were pressed together and she moved on him, her hips pressing to his, her back arched and her mouth open in a gasped moan that had made him even harder buried deep within her than he already was.
Sex with her had always been good. Great. Honestly, some of the best he had ever had. He wondered if the women who came after her would immediately be compared to her in his head.
He closed his eyes, already knowing the answer.
This really was for the best. Acting cold and callous was what he did – not to her – but to everyone else. He was a fucked-up broken man and it was better that Lexie get away from him now while that brightness in her eyes was still intact. If not, he was scared that he would ruin her just like he ruined everything else in his life and he didn’t want to do that to Lexie. He didn’t want to destroy who she was.
It didn’t matter that he wanted her. Shit, this girl broke his penis and he still wanted her. That spoke volumes about what he thought about her without having to actually think about what he was feeling for her. But Mark was used to not getting things he wanted. He had gotten pretty damn good at getting used to it.
He heard the door to his room open again and he slowly opened his eyes to see her standing there. Even in the dim light of the room, he could see the redness of her eyes, the flush of her cheeks, and he knew that she had been crying. Something foreign twisted in the pit of his stomach – something he couldn’t ignore this time. He had made her cry and the wave of guilt because of that which washed over him startled him.
She closed the door behind her and this time, she locked it and then fell still. She stared at him for a moment but when he opened his mouth to speak, though even he didn’t know what to say, it spurred her into action and she went to the side of the bed, shaking her head slightly.
“I told you,” she said softly, her hand reaching out to take his. He let her. “I’m not going anywhere.”
And with that, she climbed back onto the bed and he shifted slightly to the side to give her more room, her body pressed to his side, one of her legs draping over both of his, her hand lifting back up to his cheek, first to stroke the scruff of his beard and then his hair.
Mark didn’t want to think of how relieved he felt that she was there again. No one in his life had ever come back for him again – no one would chase him across the country if he left them behind – but Lexie had come back when he had told her not to. And he wondered if this was some sort of subconscious test he had set up for her that she had just passed with flying colors.
He allowed his body to relax and Lexie rested her head against his once again, a soft smile across her lips and she sighed contently when Mark lifted his own hand and bringing it to the side of her face, he turned his head to look at her.
He was broken and she was still there. He supposed that her own actions spoke volumes about what she thought about him.
“How long can you stay?” He asked her and her smile grew just a little bit wider.
“However long you want me to stay,” she answered.
He didn’t want to tell her that he didn’t know but somewhere deep inside – the same deep place where he shoved all of his feelings for her so he wouldn’t have to admit them – he knew that he wanted her to stay around for a long time – if she would.
She would though. He knew she would. Lexie Grey wasn’t like the other women who had come before her in his life and he didn’t even think of the ones to come after her.
Staring at her as she laid in the hospital bed with him and his broken, useless penis, her fingers still stroking his hair, he wondered if any other women would be coming after her. At that moment, as far as Mark was concerned, it seemed highly unlikely.